Needed

Last night Bennet did not sleep well, again. Almost 4 months now of crappy sleep. I am tired! This morning I was able to chat with Chance before he was out the door, again. I told him I was happy that I didn't need to be anywhere today. And he said that wasn't true, I needed to be here, but that I didn't have to go anywhere.

I've been thinking about that all morning. I AM needed here. No matter how tired I am, I am needed here. I don't think he realized what that statement would mean to me. Its kind of changed my perspective. I am so grateful for him. I feel like although this is HARD; babies are HARD, toddlers are HARD, his schedule is H-A-R-D! i am needed here, so I better be here and try to do it right....

With Chance working 70-80 hours a week I was beginning to feel like I was shutting down. It's ridiculous to be 30 and still not know who I really am. I have so many women here that I admire so much. They are amazing examples of selfless service and I am in awe. I want to be more like them. I have felt like I don't have anything that I am passionate about. I'm not a great writer, or baker, or seamstress, or, or, or.... But I can try to be a better mom and learn a little more about myself along the way.

My kids are amazing. Smart, and funny, and kind. I need to give them more credit. This is it! I don't want to miss this.

Bennet is smiling and cooing and laughing and almost rolling over. My big handsome prince!

Ian makes me laugh everyday. I'm not sure when it happened, but he seems to speak in mostly sound effects. It's pretty great. "Hey Mom, the car just whooossssh vrrrrrrm boooooppppped over the hill!"

Bailey blows me away. She LOVES math and will tell anyone who asks. She is kind and caring and tries so hard. 1st grade! WOW! I was worried about how I would spend 7 hours a day without her, but now I realize that most days I look at the clock and realize she'll be home within an hour. After school she spends out side with her friends so I really only get an hour to be with her.

I'm rambling, but these are the random thoughts inside this tired mama's head. I am needed here, I am so grateful to be here. I am trying to be more present in my family's lives.